This is a personal note to let all those here who have been so kind in helping me understand mutual fund investments over these last few years. I haven’t had the time to access this site for over 6+ weeks, and have missed it so much.
I also want to strongly recommend to those of you who have created living trusts for your children, even if it doesn’t require Probate, to include in your Living Trust an Estate Administrator who is not related to you to handle all the tasks and legal requirements needed to handle for the Estate upon your death.
My Mom died on November 11. My sister and I are co-trustees of the estate, but my sister has chosen not to become involved in helping with any of the hugely numerous estate administration duties. Even though Mom did a great job in creating her Living Trust – and even added a very helpful 12-page “Letter of Last Instructions”, there has been so many problems in my attempts to fulfill all the requirements of a trustee that these last six weeks have been overwhelming and extremely frustrating. I read the three Nolo Estate Administration books first, but I had too many unanswered questions, so I hired an attorney specializing in Estates. Unfortunately, after two weeks of getting no responses or help, I had to hire a different one (who is very thorough and prompt). But there have been so many problems with even the simplest tasks – like the Post Office refusing to forward Mom’s mail from Assisted Living to my residence, and, most stressful, Citibank’s refusal to send me Mom’s final credit card statement I requested 10+ times over the last 5 weeks from the time I notified them of her death. Instead of sending me the statement so I could verify the charges and pay the bill, they immediately locked me out of the account I had just closed and sent the account directly to a debt collection agency without informing me. The debt collection agency sent me a bill for the total amount, but refused to send a statement detailing the charges until I finally contacted the President of Citibank, L.A. Times, etc. where, weeks later, I finally received a pdf file of the charges. So even the simple task of my trying to pay a credit card bill has been a nightmare.
Because Mom was the beneficiary of so many trusts in so many places, just trying to determine which trust should be includable in the Estate, which should not, some with step-ups, some not has taken even the attorney and my CPA considerable time to figure out.
Then there is the problem of assigning two trustees who are also your children – and, in our case, where the relationship has already been very confrontational for so many years.
It has been difficult enough trying to deal with my mother’s sudden death. I had just finished spending a month arranging the moves to a different assisted living facility for Mom, and my husband’s mom. On the day of the move, we had to take Mom to the hospital, but we expected her to recover so we went ahead with the moves. Mom was in the hospital for a week of tests, then sent to a nursing home when the doctor’s could do no more there, then a week later to my sister’s home for hospice, where Mom died two days later.
Since I will be receiving a sizable amount of distributions from the various trusts, I also hired a fee-only financial planner – just to create a “sample” conservative portfolio he would recommend. I have several questions about a few of his recommendations I would love to ask this group as soon as I can complete the most immediate Estate tasks.
I’ve really missed reading all your inputs in MFO. Being able to read and participate here again is my top priority as soon as I have any reasonably cognitive time left from dealing with the estate problems.
In the meantime, I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and hope you will be able to enjoy this time with your families.
Cathy
Comments
Recalling your thoughts from October regarding the relocation of your Mother to another facility and to read what has happened; I am sad to read this from you.
Also your past notes regarding the difficulty in attempting to discover and provide for the best possible paths for your Mother's investments. You have worked very hard for the past few years to structure everything to your best abilities and continue to do so now.
Foremost, in my opinion; at this time, is to continue to keep yourself healthy as you move forward sorting all of the details and duties you are involved with in the estate.
It is also sad to note your comments regarding others and the difficult processes involved with performing; what one would hope to be, somewhat straight forward legal processes to resolve any issues or otherwise with accounts, as noted for the credit card account.
I lost my father in September, 2008; and although not a complex issue to resolve any monetary side of the event; is none the less a very sentimental and emotional period.
Sincerely,
Catch/Mark
Please come visit us again when the estate matters are settled. In the meantime, please have a happy and safe holiday.
I am sorry to hear of your current situation even though I think we all saw it coming. You hope for better but it just doesn't always happen. If I may be so bold, try to step out of the field of play and look at it from the coaches standpoint. By that I mean - you want the best possible outcome from what you have to deal with and how the players will respond is out of your control. You just have to keep doing the best you can, being as truthful and honest with yourself as possible, to be at peace with yourself in the end. For what it's worth we are currently walking down the same rocky road but I am confidant that it will clear. Mark
Sorry it's been such a chore, particularly at your time of grief. I was Executor of my dad's estate years ago. It was peanuts, but there were 5 heirs - no will. I just documented everything and made copies and kept a completely open set of books. My mom and stepdad made me Executor of their estate and there are 6 heirs - even split. She died in 2010 and he's just been sent home with hospice care. He's 86 with a leaking valve job and failing kidneys. But hey, he's had a great life.
Note that I've been executor but they also both made me DPOA and my brother MPOA (he's a physician). I've been working with them for about a decade getting things straightened out and clean. And I mean antiseptic. All real property sold years back when they moved into the first retirement home. That was when we executed the letter of instructions and distributing most of her things of note. After a while, the car was given to the daughter. Furniture given to relatives or charity or church. Stepdad moves from home to Tennessee with daughter to be closer to mom's grave. I had her set up a joint account where his SS and pension go. He's paying her room and board. Up here, just after my mom died, we consolidated all banking institutions and have been rolling CDs into a joint acct that I have with him. As of last month every dime was joint with either me or her. It is my goal to avoid probate and the blue meanies and stay perfectly legal. Again, antiseptic. Estate mid to low 6 figs.
I just got real use to carrying a stack of death certficates and DPOAs with me whenever I was dealing with this stuff. I even had to deal with the IRS using the DPOA and DC. But I've been doing their taxes for 5 years now.
Now, please let me state that their estate is nothing compared to that of your mom and I cannot phathom the complexities you're having to deal with. I simply with you well and continue to get good advice.
We were very fortunate in having a great estate attorney draw up our documents. Wrote it in such a way we don't have to update it or dink with it. But again, we're easy with just the boy and dos nietos.
Geez, good luck and have some great holidays,
peace,
rono
Lots going on while you've been away. Hope you're back in the swing of things here at MFO shortly again.
A few items from my own experience might prove helpful. Like you, I was named a co-executor, but handled almost everything without involvement from the other co-executor. Almost every institution required both co-executors to sign everything. Very annoying, but you learn to live with it. Fidelity, while helpful, really botched this aspect. We opened up an estate account, but they only got my signature on file. So they printed up checks with only my name on it. Months later, they came back and said that we needed to fill out signature cards "as a routine matter"; they never mentioned the error. Goes to show that there are going to be glitches no matter how careful everyone is.
As much as possible, let your lawyer, your accountant, your planner, handle matters. The rules are pretty clear, but if you haven't done this before (and how many of us have?), all the procedural steps - who to go to for what, which form to fill out, etc. - can be daunting. I got very, very familiar with the county courthouse - going to get new Letters Testamentary every couple of months. (In most states, they're only good for two months.)
No matter how good you've been with the records, just in case, check with the state for any escheated property. You never know what might have been missed. And as Max pointed out - don't rush it. You've got plenty of time.
Again, best wishes, and hope you have a better 2012.
Losing a loved one, like my Mom and your father, is such a strong emotional experience. I do feel, however, that times like this do make me re-evaluate how I am living my life... and enlightens me on the changes I need to make NOW as the sense of my own mortality becomes more of a reality. Cathy
I do hope your situation smoothes itself out soon, and I'm so glad you are able to maintain your optimism. Cathy
My husband and I have been appallingly negligent in not creating any will or trust. It's not that we haven't wanted to... it's just that we're having trouble deciding where our money and collections should go to. We would like almost all of our estate to go to the charities that are the most efficient at providing the most services for the money (to help children, animals, classical guitar support, plants legacy, and organizations who have enough clout to actually make a difference in helping save our environment for future generations). (One of them will be to an organization that helps animals, but I am mentally unstable about even seeing pictures of hurt animals that I can't even check the sites to see which ones are best. I think they have upgraded Charity Navigator, so I can check there). So your documents that don't need constant changing sounds great - and we have put getting this done in a "Top Priority" category. We have no children, or family that needs any more money than they will already have. So, ideally, we could find a nice, young, administrator that we can completely trust to fulfill our wishes the way we would like them after our death. But it's so hard to put that much trust in someone we don't even know. Cathy
I can't wait to at least start reviewing the current postings... and as many previous ones as I can find time for. I always enjoy your postings, and look forward to catching up. Cathy
I am glad I have the advice of our estate attorney to verify that all the steps I'm doing are correct and complete. And equally glad that I have a CPA who is going to have to deal with the tax forms and preparations. Cathy
P.S. I don't know anything about the escheated property. In my quick google check, it seems to do with unclaimed property. All of Mom's assets have been identified, so hopefully this isn't anything I need to follow up on.
It may be difficult for you but I wish you happy x-mas/holidays.
Mom died some years ago, likely of a hospital-induced infection. Her estate turned out to be $15,000 in unpaid bills. Even now, the thought makes me sad. That said, it gets better. Remembering that you're not alone helps. Remembering how annoyed mom would be if she caught you moping around helps. Time helps.
Wishing you great peace and a bright and beautiful new year.
David and Chip
You couldn't have done better than to talk to the folks here at Fund Alarm/MFO. They are some great people. Hope that the new year is a better one for you!
OJ
through the trying times. Take care.
Just signed in after a hiatus of my own. I am very sorry to hear about your loss.
You are having to deal with formidable complexities. It looks like you have had lots of good advice already. It also sounds like you have in place the team of professionals you need to support you.
Be more patient than you ever thought you would need to be, make self-care a priority, and lean on your husband - that's what he's there for.
I hope the way forward is getting clearer for you.
Keep well. All the best in the New Year.
Greg