Enjoy:
Regards,
Ted
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box? What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway...
Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
what is baby oil made from?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you,
but when you take him for a car ride,
he sticks his head out the window?
Why, Why, Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four
billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Why Is there ever a day that mattresses
are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a thread a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light
fixtures?
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the
table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
And my FAVORITE.........
The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
Comments
Reminded me immediately of Steven Wright's one liners..............
http://mentalfloss.com/article/60461/20-steven-wrights-funniest-jokes-his-59th-birthday
I gave my class the assignment to answer them. They are fairly easy to answer when you think about it.
Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?
Panties is a diminutive, not a plural. Many items on the list are of similar false assumptions.
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
A couple of answers - in case of turbulent air they don't knock their head on something and go unconscious. Planes were not pressurized and cold so they wore helmets to keep their heads warm.
A quick search turned up this paper, On Diminutive Plurals and Plural Diminutives. It is written by a Bulgarian mathematician about constructs in Bulgarian. Nevertheless, it makes it clear that (at least for the Bulgarian language) the question of plural vs. singular coexists with diminutives.
For anyone with a mathematical background, the first few pages (up to section 1) are clearly illustrated by extensive use of commutative diagrams. (Well, actually more like noncommutative, but same graphical idea.)
For the most part, the paper is too closely tied to the Bulgarian language to be of specific help, but it does illustrate how one can deconstruct words, especially with respect to diminutives and plurals.
Seeing as the paper discusses the Bulgarian formulations for legs of pigs and for little legs of pigs, it might be worth noting that in English, the dimunitive "piglet" is singular, and derives from "pig", also singular.
You can complete the commutative diagram by going either:
pig -> piglet -> piglets ("diminution", then pluralization), or
pig -> pigs -> piglets (pluralization, then "diminution")
Much simpler than the Bulgarian (and much less interesting).
You'll have to pardon me now, I'm about to put on my pants, one leg at a time.
A quick search come up with:
'Before the days of modern tailoring, such garments, whether underwear or outerwear, were indeed made in two parts, one for each leg. The pieces were put on each leg separately and then wrapped and tied or belted at the waist (just like cowboys’ chaps)."
Or
Pants is short for pantaloons, also plural, which in their very earliest incarnations were nearer stage tights; their name comes from a Venetian character in Italian commedia dell’arte who was the butt of the clown’s jokes and who always appeared as a foolish old man wearing pantaloons. Commentators referred to them when they first appeared as being a combination of breeches and stockings. Later the word was applied to fashionable tight-fitting trousers.
http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-pai1.htm
Regards,
Ted