The content arises from the never-ending debate between active and passive management but this references the menu selection at the indexers convention. The post is over 10 years old by the way.
"Discord rocked the Diehards this week, as members nearly came to blows over the dinner menu at Diehards IV. Apparently, the slice and dicers wanted a buffet, and the TSMers wanted a one course meat and potatoes meal.
In order to settle the dispute, the Diehards turned to their mentor, John Bogle. Bogle, in his Solomonic wisdom, came up with a perfect solution - index the menu.
"In an efficient menu, indexing can solve all problems," said Bogle. Bogle proposed that the Diehards use statistics from the FDA to determine the per capita consumption of the top 500 foods in the United States. Based on the market cap of each food, that food will be inserted in a food processor, mixed together, and served to each Diehard. Chicken will comprise 3.80% of the meal and beef will trail shortly behind at 3.70%. Other notable items include pork rinds at 289th, jujyfruits at 378th , and edible panties at 476th. "I was surprised by that last one, but I'm not one to second guess the market," noted Bogle. "Indexers take what the market gives them. If you keep costs low, you will eat more panties than at least 80% of American panty-eaters over 10 years. That's the power of indexing!"
The menu controversy seemed resolved until a further problem developed. Some Diehards contended that the menu should reflect the market cap of a worldwide menu. "Some of the Diehards felt that the menu would be subject to less volatility if we included the 500 most eaten foods in the world," said Bogle. However, with a worldwide menu, starvation came in first, crickets came in at 279th, lamb's brain at 410th, and earthworms at 500th. Oddly, edible panties moved all the way up to 136th, largely due to the eating habits of Swedes and Frenchmen.
The Diehards were deadlocked on this issue, and Vanguard Chairman John Brennan was contacted for input. Brennan proposed to solve the international food controversy by moving Bogle's office to a storage locker in Butte, Montana, and giving himself a raise. No one is quite sure why Brennan thinks this would resolve the menu. However, Burton Malkiel explained Brennan's action. "Brennan always proposes that same solution for every problem we have around here. We had a dispute over a tiebreaker in the office NCAA pool, and he proposed the same thing. I may be crazy, but I'm beginning to think he wants Jack out of here. However, I'll go along with Brennan if he waives Vanguard's mandatory retirement age for me again."
At press time, the menu was still unsettled, and Bogle was still in his office. Brennan, however, did get a raise.
[email protected]Originally posted in thread: 29623"
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Regards,
Ted