Dear Sir Mega Banker,

catch22

Dear Sir Mega Banker,

I write to inform you that I am required to remove my substantial deposits and close my account; based upon moral and ethical considerations, at the local branch of your banking organization. I realize that this action will not affect your organization's overall captial position; as the bank's proprietary trading section risks more money in 1 second than the total of my withdrawals and account closing. I wish this department the best, in their endeavours.
My greatest concern is for the employment status of those who live in the neighborhood, and are employed at this branch location. If the worse case scenario developes, I am comfortable with the expectation that they may find new employment at any one of the numerous, local credit unions.
You also should not be concerned about my postings at YouTube or the other 57 web sites, at which I have noted the reasons for my actions. Any impact upon others withdrawing monies, should be at a minimum.

Also, do not be too concerned with the twitching in your right hand (noticed in your recent television appearance); as I am sure this is only temporary writing fatigue resulting from the numerous signatures required of your high position within your organization and your board position at the Federal Reserve. However, if the condition persists; I would suggest testing for Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.

I do note in addition; when seeing you on television, that you appeared to be attempting to restrain a normal burping action. You should let this normal body function take place. Perhaps you ate some tainted food. Stay with the Kobi steak and other hot dishes. Request to skip the cold salad (more subject to ecoli, etc.) and that Manhattan restaurant may reduce the dinner meal to $120.
Of course, the continued burping could be the result of tension or stress, or perhaps a more serious developing condition of acid reflux. I believe these symptoms will resolve after the legal proceedings and testimonies are in the rearview mirror of your life.

Be sure to inform the appropriate personnel at the mailroom to remove my name from the postal mailings list. Although the continued mail requests for the cash back feature of your organization's credit card are most tempting, I can not, in good conscience; accept such an offer. This action will also help your company become more green. The downside of this action is the reduction of postal mail to our community, which could result in the closing of the local post office. Well, some things just can not be fixed; can they?

Lastly. I wish to thank you for helping me profit in my short position against your company's stock. Sometimes, investment plans don't always work the way we plan; but this transaction was a real winner for this house.

I must conclude this short note; as I have an appointment with the new accounts representative at the local credit union.

Wishing you and yours a most fine life going forward; and that your retirement plan monies are properly invested for your risk and reward desires.

Signed,

Mr. Ethical

msf

Nice note, but rather than completely ignoring these banks, take advantage of them. Just like AT&T (and MCI, and ...) in the 90s, these banks are giving away free cash. Take 'em up on it. They often offer $150-$200 to open an account and keep some amount of cash in it for 3-6 months. The annualized rate almost always exceeds 2% and often approaches 3%. They cannot be making money on this - after the interest, the costs they incur in manually opening (and then closing) your account. Meanwhile, you get a short term rate, insured, that you can't find elsewhere.

Regarding your 57 web sites, it just invites comment - 57 web sites and nothing on; thank you Mr. Heinz

Mark

57 channels and nothing on; thank you Mr. Springsteen

Derf

How do you think jpm lost 2 billion $$$'s. Divide 2 billion by $200 & that's the # of new or returning accounts.... While I'm at it , can anyone tell me who was on the other side of the big flubberrouski......?
Have a good weekend
derf